Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I think I just sharted jello shots
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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