remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I don't think brook has ever known best
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
