is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
