She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
