White coat. Heels.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
