There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
