He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
