Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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