Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
