why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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