I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
