even my farts smell like vagina
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
