then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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