Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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