So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
