I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
