in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
