I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
