If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
