I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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