Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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