were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
