He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
