is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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