Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
