Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize