your thong is hanging out like whoa
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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