I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
