dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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