She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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