We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize