So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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