Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
