So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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