i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
