I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
