i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
