As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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