the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
