i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize