Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
