yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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