I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
