Sponge bath it is.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Randomize
