Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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