party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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