You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
