He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize