a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
