dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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