Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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