Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize