bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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