Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
worst night to have a conscience
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Randomize
