Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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