my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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