$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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