My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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