And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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