I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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