I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
