I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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