i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
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