Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
