You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
