she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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