it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
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