how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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