your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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