I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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