yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
