I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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