You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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