my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
