I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
