My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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