wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
