What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
