She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
