So drunk its hurt
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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