Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
