He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize