Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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