someone get that fucking seahorse.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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