sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just found a bag of teeth...
As shirtless as possible
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
