Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
