The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
