I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
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