just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
