Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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