Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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