Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
