Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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