Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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