Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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