Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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