Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
