Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
