he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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